haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
