there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
