I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
