Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
