Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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