You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
