Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
