it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize