Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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