I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
