I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
