Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
