that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
