I wanna bring you to show and tell
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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