apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize