my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
