dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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