I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
