The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This gyro tastes like lonliness
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
