Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
