my phone needs a breathalizer
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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