I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
