Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
