this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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