Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize