i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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