So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize