One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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