lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
