Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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