shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
