I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize