I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
