i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
