my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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