You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
