saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
