she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
