I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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