Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
worst night to have a conscience
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize