I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize