he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
