This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize