then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
