Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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