Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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