I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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