Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
