I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
