just come out here and I will go home with you...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
