I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
