rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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