If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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