i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
