Your dad touched me again.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
