I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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