They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
