The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
