gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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