i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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