Apparently you make a good broom.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
how do you play pong handcuffed?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
