Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
