There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
