it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
