Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
