Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
