dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
