i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
