lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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