This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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