i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
