What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
3pm strippers are depressing
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
