i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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