sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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